The Most Effective Form of Birth Control....

.....the Bed Snake Bat!!

Quote by B.S. Laboratories: After years of careful research, the scientists at B.S. Laboratories have discovered that pregnancy is caused by the venom of a small snake called "THE BED SNAKE." And now, after many long hours of painstaking research, we have produced what we feel is the most effective means of combating this little creature.......the amazing tool is called a BED SNAKE BAT!

EVERY woman MUST have this!

Information about the Snake:
The Bed Snake is found in all parts of the world ~~ not only in beds, but it can pop up at anytime, and anyplace, including back seats of cars, bathrooms, back alleys and dark grassy fields.

Directions for when you have spotted the Snake:
~Many women fear snakes, but you must remain calm and not alert the snake.
~Firmly grasp bat, then conceal it behind your back.
~Slowly approach the snake. When it is within striking distance, swing bat furiously, hitting the snake several times, then twice more for good measure.
~Cautiously search for eggs near the snake (usually come in pairs). If found, bash them both three times. By this time the snake should be unconscious. Take careful aim, bash it once more and run as far away as you can.

Letter from one satisfied customer:
The other day I really gave my Bed Snake Bat a good work-out. I happened to take a wrong turn into a men's locker room and I have never seen such a convention of Bed Snakes. I'm sure the snakes must have thought they were well hidden but by the time I got through, there were Bed Snakes lying unconscious, dead or dying all over the place.
The girls and I have decided to plan regular surprise attacks on these new found snake dens!

Addison's sweater..with a little surprise

The design, on the fronts, is called the 'Twisted Tree' - from the 365 Knitting Stitches a Year Calendar. I made sure the pattern worked all the way to the shoulders. It actually blended very well with the ribbing in twisted rib. {Lace scarf knit by me over 15 years ago from an old Workbasket pattern}

Well, I survived the sewing and cutting of the steeks. They were 5 stitches wide and I sewed along both sides of the middle one. If I had a room where I could lie down after I cut them, I would have.

In order to sew in the sleeves, I first had to sew the shoulders together. I remember the 'Cardigan Details 'DVD of Meg Swansen doing a 3-needle bind off and being fussy about having the wrong sides together and making sure the purl bumps showed on the front side.......I, too, am fussy and did the same thing to this precious little cardigan.

I then revisited two great books, in my library, that I refer to often - 'Knitting Workshop' and 'Knitting Around' by Elizabeth Zimmermann - to pick up stitches around the fronts and neck to knit the band in garter. In continuing with my fussiness - where the front bands turn to go around the neck, I maintained the stitch (with increases on either side) in stocking stitch on the right side. After 3 ridges, I strategically placed buttonholes with a YO, K2tog. At the same time, I decreased 4 stitches at the back of the neck between the shoulders so it would lay against the neck and not stick out - as Meg and EZ would do. I knit another 2 ridges and did a lovely 2-stitch I-cord cast off.

Lastly, I neatened the cut edges using red woolly nylon.

Going to my LYS (Yarn 'N Things, Chehalis, WA), I found the perfect Lady Bug buttons with an extra one for the surprise hat I made by casting on my gauge times Addison's head circumference. I topped it off with a little I-cord and knit it long enough to tie it into a knot.

Well, here is our sweet, sweet granddaughter.
Her mother appreciates hand made items and is such a good mom. She sent this picture, today, of Addison dressed in the sweater.

....hmmmm, I think she likes it. :)

PS~ I designed this cardigan especially for Addison and with some help with Sweater Wizard, too.

Addison's little Red Cardigan Sweater...

....to match her socks.

Once again, I used Cascade 220 Super Wash and US sz 5 for the ribbing/US sz 6 for the body.

Here are the parts:
2 sleeves knit in the round, cuff down
1 body knit in the round, with steeks

Rather than casting the shoulders off, I put them on waste yarn to do a three needle bind off.....after I sew and cut the four steeks (2 sleeve steeks, front steek and Kangaroo pouch for the neck)...>gulp<

I'll tell you how I did it all in another post. :)

Now I'm at this point

I'm just about finished. Here, I am sewing under (or neatening) the cut steeks. The sweater is inside out to show you.

I'll finish this little creation up so I can wash and block it!!

{Yes, that's a doily I crocheted years and years ago} :)

I remember Wilbur

I was 9 years old when our mom brought home a baby Red Duroc pig. My two younger sisters and I gathered around to watch the little pig learn its way around the huge pen. We named him Wilbur - from our favorite book, "Charlotte's Web".

Every day, after school, we would run into the house to change our clothes, do our chores and play with Wilbur. We scratched his belly after he finished drinking water from the hose. We washed his feeding trough and made sure his bedding was fluffed up in his shelter. He quickly grew big and strong and would even let us ride him. This went on for 6 months........it was inevitable that we fell in love with Wilbur.

One day, after school, we could not find Wilbur! He was gone!! I don't remember exactly what mom told us.....

Days later, mom had prepared a ham dinner. [Mind you, my mother was a German gourmet cook] Us 3 girls were all seated around the table when mom brought our plates of food. We sat there silent, with our eyes wide open - staring at the ham. The silence was broken when mom said, Come on! Let's eat!

It was either my sister, Doris, or me that asked with a shaky voice and bottom lip sticking out - Is that Wilbur?

Mom said, Yes it is. I told you girls, over and over, to not play with him because he was going to be butchered. Now let's eat!

Oh, you should have heard the wailing!

Well, us girls didn't eat any meat that night but mom tells me, we eventually did - days later.